Glory Days

Yesterday, October 13, was an incredibly special day..Both Rachel and Kimbo had softball games. Their games were being played at the exact same time so I stood by a picnic area that was smack dab in between their two fields so I could watch both games and try not to miss a thing.  For those who don't know, Kimbo plays catcher and outfield and Rachel plays pitcher and 1st base.  Softball is still very hard for us. It is such a huge part of our lives but without Buddy, it has been very emotional and difficult for all of us. Part of us dreads practices and games because Daddy isn't visibly there with us. However, it does bring us comfort and happiness to just be at the ball fields.

Kimbo LOVES playing catcher. She is awesome at it and she works very very hard at it. Buddy and I have been working so hard with her on being able to throw a runner out who is stealing a base. She has attempted a few times but never quite been able to do it...That all changed yesterday. A runner was stealing third and Kimbo stood up, like a pro, hurled that ball to third right into the third baseman's glove and OUT!!! It was so awesome! I will never forget the look on her face. She started jumping up and down and I got teary eyed as I was bursting with pride. After the game she was beside herself with happiness and said she just knew her daddy had helped her make that stellar play. I know she was exactly right!

Rachel played a double header. Fortuately I was able to sit and watch her entire second game. She was the starting pitcher and as she was on the mound, I noticed she was struggling both with her pitches and her emotions. She just looked so sad. As she came off of the field, I noticed she had tears in her eyes. Now, my girls are not ones to cry if they do not perform well on the field so I knew that wasn't it. I immediately go to the dug out and asked her what was wrong. She told me she missed her dad. I told her to come out of the dug out and she came right into my arms and just burst into tears. She said "Mom, I miss him so much. It just hurts so bad."  My heart broke. Rachel doesn't lose it often and most certainly not in public. She is a lot like me in that way. We like to keep that side of us private. I held her and just cried with her. We talked about how much we hate it when people tell us "your dad is here" because to us he just isn't. We cant physically see him so it is not the same. She said "I get so sick of hearing that. I need to see him, I need to KNOW he is here." The coach hollered over to us that she was on deck. I told her to go out and smack the heck out of that ball. I said "I am here Rachel. You can do it!" Like a real team player, she puts her helmet on, grabs her bat and heads out onto the field.  She gets up to the plate and smacks the living crap out of that ball. It went flying out to right field..almost to the fence! A triple!! Her best hit EVER!! She stole home, ran into the dug out and through the fence, she said through tears "Mom! He is here with me! I felt him!" We both sobbed!!

Throughout the last 3 1/2 months, I have felt Buddy's presence many, many times. I have had some very spiritual conversations with him. I do know he is near us. I will say yesterday was by far my most intense experience with him though.  Seeing my girls smile and know without a shadow of a doubt that their daddy was near was something I will cherish forever. We miss Buddy more than anyone can even understand but we also know that happy moments are here and more will happen in the future. We know he is making many of those happy moments possible for us. I know that he personally has a hand in those moments.