The Run of a Lifetime

I did it!!!! After 3 months of "training" (I really didn't train the way I should have), I ran the Dallas Rock and Roll half marathon! Buddy ran this exact same race 2 years ago and it meant everything to me to be able to run it in his memory.  It was truly one of the most amazing experiences of my life.  I was so nervous, and down right scared, I made myself physically ill.  I won't lie and say there weren't a few times I questioned my desicion but I will say that only 1 time did I consider not doing it.  That one moment came just before I left my hotel room to walk down to the start line....Let's start from the beginning....

In December, some of you may remember that I went to Las Vegas to celebrate what would have been Buddy and my 15 year wedding anniversary.  3 of my closest friends joined me on that very emotional, and yet healing, week long trip.  While there, I was talking to my dear friend Janice about running the Dallas Rock and Roll half marathon in Buddy's memory.  Without hesitation, she said, "Let's do it! I will run it with you!" Literally within minutes of our conversation, we were registered. I had only been running for about 2 months at that point.

Let me pause here to explain something. I have NEVER been a runner.  In high school, I ran during PE but only because I was forced to. Even then, I did any walking I could get away with.  I HATED running. Buddy always wanted me to run with him, and I finally gave in and went about 3 times. Then I gave up because I truly hated it.  So when people say "Oh I could never run. I hate it!", they clearly have NO idea how much I use to hate it.  A few months after Buddy died, I was prompted to just go running one day. So I did. I realized how much better I felt when I got home, so I just kept going.  Now I sincerely love it.

So, after only have been running for 2 months with zero prior running experience, I embarked on this crazy dream to run this for Buddy.  I was determined.  Well, I got home, looked up training apps and started working really hard.  I had many many hiccups along the way.  Mostly, it was just so emotional for me.  Time was also a huge factor.  So, come race day, I had only been running for 5 months and the longest run I had ever been on was 4 miles.  In your half marathon training, you should be running 7-8 miles fairly regularly. Oops! This caused me a lot of my fear. I knew I would finish, I would crawl if I had to, but I was scared that I would injure myself or the fear of just how hard it would be.  I have learned an awful lot about myself these past months and one thing I know, I am a very determined lady.  I don't give up. Its just not who I am.

I have also had the most amazing support system. I am so blessed. I fully recognize that many people don't have that. My local friends were constantly encouraging me and even went running with me a few times. One even bought me some running shoes for Christmas.  When I didn't want to go running, I would hear, "you know you will feel so much better if you do!" They were always right.  So I ran! Not as much as I should have but I ran.

My friend Janice stayed true to her word and flew out here to run with me. I LOVED having her here with me to run. It provided me with a strength that I cannot explain. She is a better and faster runner than myself but literally stayed with me every single step of the race.  I can never ever ever thank her enough for running this with me. What a blessed experience to share with her. I love you J!

Race Morning: We woke up to 30 mph winds. It was 30 degrees outside. If you know anything about me, I HATE to be cold! I was so scared to go running in the wind and cold. I can even handle the cold but running in wind, let alone high winds, is so incredibly difficult.  I cried in the bathroom that morning and actually thought for a brief moment, "I can't do this."  That thought was quickly washed away by a peace; a peace that consumed me and reminded me that not only could I run this race, I would run this race and Buddy would be running it with me.  He made sure I knew that he wouldn't leave my side.  And he didn't.  Every time I needed to feel him, I did. My nerves were a mess as we got to the start line.  It was truly freezing.  And then, it was our turn. Going across that start line was incredible. I thought "Here we go!"  My adrenaline was sky high. Janice paced us to run 5 minutes, then walk 5 minutes. We did that almost the whole race, except for the last mile. I wanted to run the entire last mile. 

I had made signs to wear that very briefly told my story. I wanted everyone to know why I was doing this. Not for praise or attention, but to let people know how amazing my husband was. I wanted everyone to know his story.  I was his legs that day and I wanted the world to know it.  From the very beginning of the race, runners would run past me and pat me on the shoulder, give me a thumbs up, tell me "you're amazing" or "You're such an inspiration". Some hugged me with tears literally streaming down their faces. Others said "I will run for Buddy too!" I nearly had to stop a few times because I was crying so hard.  The support along the race was incredible. Janice would run with her arm around my shoulders or holding my hand while I sobbed. At some point, Janice and I noticed that no wind had been blowing the entire run. We had about 4 big gusts that came through VERY quickly and then nothing. It was incredible. The trees around us were not even blowing. I don't know if the other runners noticed but we most certainly did. Complete stillness. The girls all said that the wind was blowing so hard the entire time they were waiting for me! An absolute tender mercy!

At mile 7, I got the boost I needed more than I realized. As I rounded a corner, there in front of me was Rachel and Kimbo with Laurie and Angela. Seeing those 4 faces meant everything to me. I was ecstatic. I hugged my girls right away and Rachel said "You're doing it mom! You're really doing it!" Kimbo told me over and over "I'm so proud of you!" They were all 4 holding signs and screaming.  As I got a ways from them I turned around and screamed so they could hear "I love you!!!" They screamed it right back. One lady came up next to me with tears just falling down her cheeks and told me "Thank you for letting me witness that moment."

Miles 8, 9, and 10 were brutal. Very very hard. Those were the times when I wondered if my legs were going to make it.  When I hit mile 11, all I could think about was my daughters waiting for me at that finish line.  As we got to mile 12, it felt like the longest mile yet. That finish line seemed like it would never come. And then there it was! The minute I saw it in my sights, I lost it. I pushed with all my might and crossed it! Arms raised high. I just kept saying "I did it! I did it!" I saw my girls and Angela and Laurie to my left and in all my emotional craziness, just smiled at them. I didn't know where to go or what to do.  I walked forward and to my right was my dear friend Brandi.   I came to my senses (I was seriously out of it) and walked over and immediately embraced her. Thank you Brandi for being there to support me! I love you!

I walked over and found my girls and Angela and Laurie. I hugged my girls first and we all 3 cried and cried. They told me over and over how incredibly proud of me they were.  They kept telling me "You did it mom!" and "We love you so much!" Standing there holding them and crying was an amazing moment. Knowing that Buddy also had his arms around us at the same time was just incredible. Such a sweet and precious moment that I know we will all treasure.

I then hugged my two angels Laurie and Angela. To try and put into words what these women mean to me just isn't possible.  They have been here with me every step of the way. Every single day they have seen me hurt, cry, laugh, and even fall. But have stood by me through it all. Thank you will never even come close to enough to what I want to say to these two amazing women. Thank you ladies for loving me! I love you so much!

I made 2 phone calls after I crossed. One was to my mom. I got her voice mail. I cried and cried to her and told her I did it and that I loved her. She has been such a blessing to me throughout my life and so much more than a mother. She is truly one of my best friends. I love you mama!

So, here it is. A week later, and I am still flying high from it all. I cannot say it enough..it was truly nothing short of AMAZING!! I am so glad I did it and would give anything to do it all over again. My friend Angelas husband Ben said it best..when Buddy was killed, he was training for his first marathon. Ben said that I was completing that marathon for him. He had run the first 13.1 and I was running the second 13.1. Thank you Ben!

This is what I know...

When I put my mind to something, and have A LOT of faith, I can do anything. I know that any crazy thing I try to accomplish, I will have amazing people behind me to help me live out my dreams. I know Buddy is with me when I need him. He cannot be here every step but he is most certainly here when it counts most. I know Buddy is proud of me. He has told me. He knows this was for him and for me. He knows I love him and will love him until I die. I know I did not do this race alone. I was surrounded by angels both living and those in Heaven.  I know I am a fighter. I also know I will NEVER run a full marathon. So don't even ask!  I know I can, and will achieve great things! One half marathon down, several more (literally and figuratively) to go!