LIfe as I know it.

So life has been crazy this past year...a lot, and I mean a lot has happened. Ups, and downs, goods, and bads. But I am going to make a very valiant effort to record more of my thoughts and feelings along with my days I have with my 4 precious children. I have too many amazing experiences to not be flooding my blog with posts on their wonderful lives. The joy they each bring me is unexplainable. I cannot wait to start anew on this blogging journey. I hope you will all enjoy the ride with me.

So proud of my Kimbo

So Kimbo ended the school year with a broken arm..from March until the middle of June, she was in a cast on her right arm (and she is right handed). That held her back in more ways that I can tell you academically. I thought everything was fine until this school year started..when she left the 1st grade, I was told she was reading on a level 18. When she started 2nd grade, she was at a reading level of 11. I was so confused. We read like crazy over the summer. We went to the library every week. It didn't make sense. What I figure happened was this..Her first grade teacher was always raving about how brilliant she was and how way far advanced she was. So, along comes the broken arm and her teacher just let her do whatever. She had told me that she got to play the computer a lot while the kids were testing and stuff (because she couldn't write) but I never thought there was a problem because she was pulling straight A's and again, I was hearing that she was so far advanced, I never really thought to be concerned.

Well, she starts her second grade year dramatically behind. She was so sad and I was so mad. But, thankfully she has an AWESOME teacher (two of them actually) who have worked with her and pushed her and praised her so now she is on a reading level of 20. She has to be at a 30 by the end of the year. I just know she can do it.

I got her report card today..straight A's. This is not the first time for her..in fact she has only ever gotten one B and that was the first quarter of this year and it was in reading. She went from a 86 in the first 6 weeks to a 90 the second 6 weeks to a 96 today!!! I wanted to cry! I am so proud I could just burst!! Kimbo has worked and worked and worked on her reading. Now her handwriting leaves a lot to be desired. I cannot read one darn thing that girl writes but we will get there! She is my little rockstar!!!!

Whose judging who?

So Buddy says that Facebook killed my blog and to some extent, he is right. But the thing about a blog is that it is an awful lot like a journal. That has good and bad things about it...The good is obvious..I have a journal that I can print out and keep for my children for years and years to come. The bad thing is that I need to sit down and just do it. I can say I don't have time (which is a very valid argument at this point in my life) but I am also lazy. Part of me doesn't want to write all of my life down for everyone to read. I am a very open person in one sense but also a painfully private person. I don't like my faults exposed. I constantly want everyone to think I am holding together beautifully and that nothing can get me down. Well, that's not true and we all know it.

One of my biggest complaints about women is that we are constantly judging ourselves and others. Who has better make-up? Who has better clothes? Whose house is cleaner? Whose children behave better? Who is a better mom? Whose car is cleaner? Who has a nicer car? It is exhausting for everyone involved. Why do we hold ourselves to standards that are not even attainable? It makes no sense to me. I am 100% guilty of it. Probably worse than most women. I drive myself crazy with it..

I hate that I can go and clean others homes and do an AMAZING job but then come home to a filthy mess! I get embarrassed every day when I go to pick my kids up and the teachers see the inside of my van. It is a disaster and that is not the person that I am. I am not a slob.. I love my car and my house to be clean but I get sick of doing it alone. I feel like nobody helps me do anything. Why is it that everyone expects mom to do it all? I am working 3 jobs (selling my jewelry, working at the YMCA and cleaning houses) and I am expected to cook, clean, help with homework, take care of problems at the school (mostly Garrison issues),do my church calling, have a clean car and look amazing while doing it all. Or am I? Do people really expect that or is it all in my head?

My husband is phenomenal. He offers every night to come home from work and cook dinner himself and yet I feel awful if I let him..that is my job. He has busted his butt at work all day so I try really, really hard to have a good dinner for him. Every single Saturday, he cleans. He would probably love to just sit and watch football but he is cleaning. (granted football may be on in the background) So who is it that I am feeling pressure from? Myself probably..society for sure but I think we do a lot of it to each other. It's OK to admit that you are not super woman. It's OK to go to walmart in your sweats or heaven forbid with no makeup on. It's OK to walk into someones house and see an inch of dust on their piano or TV. It's OK people. In the long run is that what is important? Would it be nice to always have a clean house? Heck ya but I don't. I am sure there will come a day when my world will run much more smoothly..when I feel like I have it all together. Maybe not but let's stop judging each other and just realize that we are all trying very hard to make it through each day without losing our minds.

IT'S NOT THE SAME!!!

Garrison has been very sick these last 3 days. He has been running a 103-104 fever and vomiting. I took him to the doctor and they diagnosed him with strep throat. He has not moved from the couch and has done nothing but sleep or just lay there and stare. He finally asked for some Cheetos tonight. That is the first thing he has eaten since Sunday Morning. He has been very emotional and has cried over very simple things like his legs aching or wanting water and not ice chips.

Tonight, he asked me if he was going to die. I immediately came over to him and told him no. He said "because children don't die." Here is where I get confused. I told him "yes, Garrison, some children do die but you are not one of them." He immediately began bawling. "But why?" he asked. "Because Jesus misses them and wants them to come and live with Him." I replied. He then asked if grown ups died and I said they did. He then wanted to know if I was going to die. I told him I wasn't going anywhere. He cried and cried.

The confusion comes with this thought. Did I say the right thing? Should I have told him little kids don't die, just to take that fear away from him? But then what if the unthinkable happens and someone we know and love dies as a child? What then?

I tell people all of the time that he has the mentality of a 4 year old. That is true. However, he does not have the mentality of a typical 4 year old. I don't want to hear how people spoke of death with their 3, 4, and 5 year old children. I want to scream to them "IT'S NOT THE SAME!" His brain doesn't work the same as a "typical" child. I cannot explain things to him the same way I do to my other children or the same way you do to yours. IT'S NOT THE SAME!!

How do I know how to say things to him? I feel like I am letting him down. I feel like I am not even close to the mother that this amazing angel needs or deserves. Sometimes I have to sit back and just feel helpless. And before you say it, IT'S NOT THE SAME as you do with your teenagers, or your 10 year old or with your 5 year old. It is very different then any situation you have with your children.

Children with Autism process things differently than everyone else. I don't speak his language. I try. I try so hard but sometimes I just don't feel like I am living up to the mother he was intended to have. I will keep trying. I love this little boy more than I can even understand or comprehend. He is such a special spirit and I cannot even look at his hand, or cheek, or toes without smiling. He lights up my life each and every day, in a very different way than my daughters do. So I am just going to keep praying that I am getting through to him and I am helping him. I cannot and will not let him down.

In a nut shell

Have you ever left somewhere and felt a piece of you stayed behind. I am not talking about a thing, or even a person necessarily but a place. For some, it could be a house, or a park, or, perhaps in my dad's case, a baseball stadium. For me it is an amazing city named Omaha. I haven't lived here for 2 years and yet, as I pull into my old neighborhood, I feel like I am home. It is not something that I can easily explain to anyone. It is a feeling of completeness. Some say I am obsessed with it. I think in many ways I perhaps am. But, in return, I am 100% okay with that fact. My neighbors are more like family to me than just "friends." They mean the world to me. Sometimes I think it is so difficult to come and visit because the thought of having to leave is incredibly overwhelming to me. I hope and pray that someday, my husband and I will get to move back here to this amazing place. If not, I am just so grateful that for a short time, my Heavenly Father allowed me to live here and meet neighbors who have changed my life forever.

Life

So yes it has been several months since I have posted. I must say that not only has life been beyond crazy for our family, but I have also been doing a lot more facebooking than blogging. I will try very hard to do better though. I know not everyone is interested in facebook.

We have had a very busy summer! We have traveled a lot. We have also been swimming almost every single day. We love having the pool in our neighborhood. Plus it has been so hot and humid here in Texas that it has provided us with some much needed cooling down.

Kimbo FINALLY got her cast off. Her broken arm was a very severe break and made for quite a long journey. Most kids get their cast off in 4-6 weeks. Kimbo had hers on for 3 months. It has been a long haul but she has been one heck of a trooper! She got it off the day before we left for vacation so that was a huge bonus.

The girls are getting excited for school to start. Garrison will not be excited to find out that it starts in a month. He loves the summer and swimming and wii and sleeping etc...

Well, that is it for now because unfortunately, my daily chores are calling my name. More updates coming soon..I promise.

Kimbo playing softball

My shirt says Softball Mom and the O in mom is a softball!

Today was Kimbo's very first softball game. She did great!! She played catcher and was FANTASTIC at it! She was great at hustling to get the ball when it went past her and was always on her toes ready for whatever came at her. Honestly, we couldn't be more proud of her.