Struggling

I belong to a yahoo group for families living with Autism. Instead of writing things out all over again, I will include my post that I put on there.

"I don't usually post many things but I need to talk to someone who understands where I am coming from. I have 4 children and my 9 year old son is Autistic. My youngest is a little girl, who is 8 months old. Now I am sure that any of you who have more than one child can relate with me when I tell you my story. I am sure that most of you received that email regarding the study done by the University of Washington about rapid head growth from ages 6-9 months. Well, at my daughters 6 month well baby check, her doctor spoke with me concerning her head. She made it very clear that she was not concerned about the size per-say but how fast it was growing. They had me bring her back 6 weeks later to measure again and sure enough it shot up even more. It was that day that I received the email about the study. My heart sank. If any of you are anything like me, then I am sure that from the day you bring that new baby home from the hospital, you are analyzing EVERYTHING they do or do not do. Well I read that study and thought okay, well there is nothing we can do about it right now. Then I started noticing that she isn't even babbling yet. She coo's and smiles and interacts but there is absolutely NO babbling going on at all. She will however, lay there for long periods of time (20 minutes or so) and just growl. She may be playing with a toy or whatever but she just growls repetitively and it is always for a longer period of time and it happens several times a day.

Now I am not so stupid as to not understand that these signs could be "coincidental" however, I am also not so stupid as to ignore them either. Her next appointment isn't until her 9 month check up which isn't until next month. Should I get her in sooner? There is nothing they can do, I know this, but sometimes there is that level of comfort that comes with talking it through with someone other than your equally stressed out spouse. We are also debating on whether or not we should halt all vaccinations. We have never been ones to blame the vaccinations for our sons autism. We have said that yes, they may cause it or they may not. We have always leaned towards the saying "Autism will never take my child's life but measles could." However, if I can in some way prevent my precious little girl from having to face the every day struggles that my son faces than as a mother isn't that my job? To protect her?

As I sit and type this email my heart is torn and tears are streaming down my face out of shear frustration of not knowing what to do or where to turn. I consider myself VERY educated on Autism and I will say that my son is so special to me and I wouldn't change one thing about him as he is the way that God wanted him to be and quite honestly; there is nothing wrong with him. But I do see the every day struggles that he faces. I see him wanting to play with the other kids so badly and yet he just cant. It is agonizing to have to sit back and watch and not be able to help him more. I don't want my daughter to have to face those same obstacles. I am just so torn and desperately need someone to tell me they know how I feel and tell me I am not crazy for feeling the way I do. Who knows. Maybe I am crazy. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated."

So this is where I am in life right now. I have a tendency to let things brew in my mind for long periods of time and I usually do not let them out. I of course am taking things to the extreme by getting so upset over something that 1) I have no control over and 2) Something that we will not even know for sure for months to come. That is who I am though and regardless, I am having a rough time. It doesn't matter how much I may or may not be over reacting. The point is that this is a huge thing to me personally right now. If any of you would like to check out the link to the study that I refer to, you can view that at:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/01/080130140127.htm

Let me know your thoughts.

NO WAY!!!!!

So we are here in Colorado at a district wide meeting for Buddy's company. Today is the last day and after lunch, spouses are then allowed to join their husbands/or wives for the meetings which include awards and guest speakers. Some years I go to those meetings, and some years I go shopping. Well, this year I decided to go and boy am I glad I did. One of the big wigs got promoted to an even higher position so they brought him on stage and presented him with an autographed John Elway jersey. (turns out he is a die hard Broncos fan) well, everything was fine until they pointed out that it wasn't autographed quite yet. Wouldn't you know, in walks John Elway!!! It was awesome. He gave a great talk about team work and even answered some questions from the audience. It was a great day!!!

I got tagged!!!

My friend, Beckie tagged me. For those of you who don't know what being "tagged" means, I'll explain. Being tagged is when a friend, who has a blog, answers the questions below on her blog. Then once they finish answering the questions, they tag 3 or 4 people, who also have blogs, to answer the same questions on their blog. So once I am finished answering the following questions, I will tag a few people, and then they will have to answer the questions on their blog... Does that make ANY sense?

All about my Hubby......

What is his name? Walter Garrison Hopkins IV, aka; Buddy

How long have you been married? 1o years

How long did you date? We dated 3 months before we got engaged, and 7 before we got married.

How old is he? He will turn 33 in May

Who said "I love you first?" He did however, I said it right after that.

Who is taller? He is but not by much!!!


Who eats more sweets? He does. I am not a sweet eater.

Who can sing better? He definitely can. His entire family can sing really well.

Who is smarter? He is in more ways than one.

Who does the laundry? I do most of the time, however, if I am behind, he helps me if necessary.
Who pays the bills? I do most of the time however, he occasionally enters some for me.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? The right side as in if your standing at the foot and looking at it? Buddy. However, if you are standing at the head of it, me!

Who mows the lawn? Thankfully, Buddy does.

Who cooks dinner? I do most of the time. Buddy is such a good cook though so I love it when he helps me.

Who drives? If we are both in the car, then he does. He HATES my driving. I swerve too much.

Who is more stubborn? We both can be however, I think I am worse.

Who kissed who first? I don't know how to answer that. We both went for it at the same time. Upside down even. He was sitting on the floor, and I was sitting on the couch behind him looking over him. It was awesome.

Who asked who out first? We never really went on that "official" first date.

Who proposed? Buddy did. He played a song on his guitar for me and then got down on one knee. It was so awesome.

Who has more siblings? I do. I am the youngest of 6, and he is the youngest of 3.

Doing this just makes me miss him so much more. I love you so much Baby!!!!

I tag Heidi (love you girl) and Melissa because everyone else was tagged by Beckie!!!

Ah Hoy Matey!!!!

Kimbo did such a cute job making these hats that I just had to share them with everyone!!!

Happy Birthday Garrison

February 3 Garrison turned 9 years old. I can hardly believe he is 9. Time really does just slip by so quickly. Garrison hasn't had a birthday party since he was 3 as they are usually just too much for him. So this year when he asked for a party, we were more than willing to accommodate. We invited 5 boys from school and he was very excited. I am so mad at myself as I didn't get a picture of the entire group together but, I absolutely loved this shot. As you can see, Garrison has his hand on his friends shoulder and his friend has his hand on Garrison's knee. I thought it was a very precious moment. They just connect with each other so sweetly. The boy is Clayton and he is the only friend from Garrison's special education class that we invited. He is just so precious.

Garrison, we love you so very much son and feel so incredibly honored that Heavenly Father chose us to be your parents. You bring so much love and joy into our home and we wouldn't change even one thing about you. We are so proud of the person that you are. You are such a blessing in our lives. You truly are an angel sent from above.