My 2 Quiet Supporters

In my blog, on Facebook, and in my every day life, I talk A LOT about Garrison and Natalie. I want to take a few minutes and talk about my other 2 AMAZING children. Rachel and Kimbo.

People who do not live in our families every day life cannot imagine what it is like to be the sibling of a special needs child. Heck, I cannot even imagine. I have seen their tears for their brother, I have heard their fears for their brother and I have witnessed some beautiful prayers in behalf of their brother. However, I have never witnessed any complaints, anger, or resentment for their brother.

My daughters Rachel (11) and Kimbo (9 in 3 days) are incredible. They both have always played the "big sister" role to their older brother and always will. I sit back and marvel at how they work with him. They help him tie his shoes, cut his pancakes and make all the funny voices he asks them to so that he will laugh and laugh.

I see the love in their eyes for him and the love in his eyes for them. It is something very special to witness. I cannot tell you how special it is to see this every single day. They get him off of the school bus every single day since I have to work. They ask him how his day was and then call me to tell me he is home safe and sound.

When Garrison has meltdowns, they cry many times, but mostly just try and help explain things to him or get things for him that they know will bring him comfort. They clean his room for him and help him brush his teeth. They sit next to him and read books to him and watch movies with him. Anyone who knows Garrison knows that watching a movie with him can be torture. He watches it in slow motion, or watches several scenes over and over and over. He many times watches it on mute and requires his sissies to do the voices for him. Yet they sit there and do it without complaining.

These two girls are so well behaved, and so responsible, it is not even normal. I have never, ever, ever seen two little girls so good. People always tell me that it is because they were raised right but I quickly say "No, they came to me that way." And they did. I feel like they deserve so much more.

This year has been extra tough money wise. When the beginning of school came around I sat them down and explained to them how sorry I was but we would not be shopping for new school clothes or new school shoes. I sobbed as I told them because they, of all people, deserve those things. Do you know their response?? "Mom! It's fine! We don't need new things. We know things are rough right now and we know how blessed we are to have all that we have." What 10 & 8 year old says that?

When all of their friends are going on amazing vacations and they tell me all the stories that their friends have shared with them, my heart breaks a little because I cannot give that to them. I say to them "I know you girls wish we could go sometime and maybe one day we will" they simply say "Mom, we know. It's no big deal." Deep down, you and I both know it is a big deal. They want just as any other kids their age wants. They deserve it probably more than many.

I feel like they carry such a heavy load and are asked to do a lot but I am confident that these lessons they are learning will carry them throughout their lives and will be invaluable to them as they grow into adults and mom's themselves. How blessed I am to have such beautiful daughters both inside an out. They bring me so much joy. They are brilliant (both straight A students every semester), spiritual (both reading their scriptures and praying in bed every single night), beautiful(inside and out), and caring.

One day, I hope to make it all up to them. In the meantime, I will continue to tell them I love them 50 times a day, I will savor every minute I have with them, and I will continue to sit back and marvel at their individual greatness. Thank You God for blessing our family with these two amazing girls!

Not Just a Piece of Bread

Upon waking up this morning, I realized that all of the pancakes were gone. I felt sick for a minute until I thought, "Maybe there is more in the garage freezer." With high hopes, I quickly go out and check. I open the door and hold my breath. Oh no! We are out of pancakes. With another quick glance, I realize we are out of French Toast sticks too. Oh great. Well, toast will have to do. I get back inside the house, open the pantry only to find 1 piece of bread left. Not only is there nothing for breakfast, now I can't even make a sandwich for lunch. Panic sets in. A million thoughts start going through my head. A mental checklist of items in my pantry and fridge...to no avail. It was no use. What was I going to do now?

As you read this, you are probably thinking, "calm down and act like a grown woman." The problem is..none of that was for me. Garrison eats about 10 things. Every single morning for breakfast, he has pancakes. Not just any pancakes. Very special pancakes that are frozen and come in small packages of three. If by some odd reason we are out of those, the other options are usually french toast sticks. If we are out of those..well, to be honest, I don't ever remember being out of both because I know what it would be like if we were. Garrison probably just wouldn't eat breakfast and go to school hungry. He loves toast but usually will only eat it late at night.

Garrison also takes the exact same things in his lunch box. He has done this since Kindergarten. Same lunch, every day. Now, I realized I didn't even have enough bread to make him a jelly sandwich. Now panic may be a strong word to some of you about something that sounds so trivial. In our home, it is a different world. I was truly freaking out wondering what my son was going to have for breakfast and now lunch.

Rachel has a friend by the name of Brooke. Brooke's mom Jennifer and I came up with a plan to get kids to and from school. She takes them every day, I bring them home every day. I quickly sent her a text and asked her if she had any bread I could have. Now here is something else tricky. Garrison wont eat just any bread. If it looks too big, or wrong color, or has anything on the crust at all like seeds or flower, it is a no-go. He freaks out. She immediately text me back that she indeed had some and would bring it. I am praying that it is bread he will eat.

She pulls up, runs up to the door and hands me the loaf. A HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!! The bread she gives me is the right kind!!! I wake Garrison up, gently inform him that we are out of...well...everything. Then hesitantly I say "How about toast?" He sits and thinks for a few minutes then says "ok." Clearly not very happy but it will work. I cannot tell you the relief that washed over me. My son was going to eat breakfast AND have a sandwich in his lunch.

As trivial as this may all sound, this is our life. Garrison is not like your picky eaters so please don't comment that your child is picky too and only likes one kind of bread. I am sure that is true but something so small as a funky piece of bread can set the tone for my son's entire day. It is not the same as your child or even my other children. They are worlds apart.

I am so grateful to Jennifer for bringing that bread. She has no clue what that bread meant to me an to my son this morning. I get a little emotional typing this because it was such a blessing to me. That bread was not just bread to me. It was an answer to this mom's prayer.

What is a best friend?

So I get teased a lot about how "loosely" I use the term "Best Friend." My husband says all the time that I have too many, where others feel that since I have so many "best friends" it makes the title less important. I, for one, completely disagree. I have many, many friends. Only a handful of those would be considered one of my best. True I have about 10 amazing women that I consider my best friends but they all deserve that title. These women have been there for me through so many tough times in my life. Times that most people do not know about, and probably never will.



Some have been in my life since birth (literally) and others have been as recent as a year ago, but each of these women hold a very special place in my heart. Each of these women have qualities that make them so incredible and amazing.

Each of these women have touched my heart and spirit in ways I cannot express and wouldn't even if I could because it is far too personal. All have been there for me, even when they didn't know it.

One of them was with me almost every waking moment the week I lost my dad. She didn't leave my home until I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open and she was back at my parents house within an hour of when I woke up. I can never thank her enough for that but someday I hope to be able to repay her in some way.

4 of my best friends were there for me when my husband was gone and I was alone with 4 kids, one of them a newborn and I was going to school full time. Buddy was only able to come home on the weekends and these women kept me going. They watched over me and my kids like you wouldn't believe. I felt like I had a mother and 3 sisters right there on my block when my own flesh and blood was hundreds of miles away.


1 of my best friends has known me since birth. Our moms were pregnant with us together. We have more memories together than any other friend either of us have. We cried over boys who broke our hearts, girls who were just mean, and parents who just didn't understand us. We fought like sisters and drove our parents and teachers crazy.

2 of my best friends are more recent. They have helped me get through the past 3 years. These two have been there for me through some pretty tough stuff. 1 shares the life I live every day with a child with Autism and she is probably the most Christ like human being I have ever met. She has gotten me through many dark times simply through loving me and not judging me. The other has helped me see things about myself that I couldn't or didn't want to see. She has saved me in many ways and brought me into a company that will forever mean so much to me. She inspires me so much to be a better friend and a better mom.

So you see, these women all have such a special place in my heart. Even though I may not see most of them every day, or even speak to them once a week...they are my saving graces and angels that get me through my tough times when no-one else can.


All of my friends mean so much to me. I never really valued my friends until I moved to Omaha. My friends I made there really showed me what being a friend is all about. I hope each friend in my life knows that I am always here for them. I did not speak of all of my friends or even best friends on this post but they each know who they are and they know I am always here for them.

I always say to my kids "Will you be my best friend?" My 4 children and my husband top the list for sure. What better friends to have then those that you hold nearest and dearest to your heart? My list just gets longer. And you know what? That's okay. I will add more best friends I am sure as the years go by and I am blessed to be able to do that. I cherish my husband, my kids, my family and my friends. I love them all unconditionally and thank them for loving me back.

My Hero

Brace yourself for a very cheesy read. I have thought and thought about what I wanted to write about these past couple of days and this subject kept coming back to me time and time again...so I am going with it.

How many times in our lives are we asked who our hero is? How many times have you given an honest answer? Sure, when we were 5, we all said Superman, or Spiderman or some of us girls even threw in Wonder Woman or She-Ra! (My personal favorite)

But now we are grown up, at least theoretically speaking, so I decided to really think about this question. Who really is my Hero? I think I have several. Both of my parents are right up there. I was blessed for 21 years with an amazing father who I miss every single day of my life. I still have the most incredible mother. The best mom ever actually. Of course I have my spiritual hero's. Jesus Christ would top that list for sure. However, I want to tell the story of my biggest hero. This person is someone I admire more than I can even say. There are no words to describe how amazing this person is. Yes it is cheesy, but I don't care. It is how I feel and once you hear my story, you may feel the same.

My husband was born with severe club feet. Not only did the doctors never think he would walk, but his hands were deformed as well. According to his mom, the doctor said "I am not as worried about his feet as I am his hands." He wasn't supposed to have use of those either. As a mother, I can only imagine what must have gone through his mothers head. How terrifying.

Buddy had surgery on his feet when he was 2 or 3 years old. The doctor who performed his surgery was the #1 surgeon in the world for Club feet. To this day, Buddy is told by physicians how "beautiful" his club feet are. Children who were born 35 years ago, who also had club feet, may have had surgery but rarely do they look as good as Buddy's. Surgery couldn't correct everything though. Buddy has been in pain his entire life. Just watch him walk across the room and you will see it. His ankles will swell so large, they are the size of softballs. He is literally in pain every day of his life. However, he has never let that stop him.

He not only has a wonderful job as an engineer (we have done some research and have found many people from our generation who were also born with club feet, collect disability and don't work at all) but he plays basketball, softball and is an avid runner. Last March, he ran his first 1/2 marathon. Did it hurt? More than you or I can imagine. But he did it, and he continues to do it. His toes overlap skin on the bottom side of his foot so he will run with 3 or 4 blisters per foot. He is amazing. He wakes up as early as 4:00 everyday so he can get his run in. He does this so he can stay healthy and lose weight. He knows it will hurt. He knows his ankles will swell. He knows it will mean that just walking down the hall will hurt like you cannot imagine but he does it.

He could use his feet as an excuse. Deservedly so! But he doesn't. He is a quiet champion. He doesn't tell many his story. He doesn't want sympathy. He isn't seeking adoration. So, he gets me who wants to stand on the mountain tops and yell "My husband is amazing!"

Since I started working nights (4-10 Monday - Friday) he is also taking on a lot of my role. He comes home from work, gets dinner made and almost always cleaned up, then gets kids to softball and/or church, helps with any homework necessary and makes sure the kids have done their daily chores. He is the most amazing support to me.

So there you have it . Heather Hopkins hero is her awesome husband. I know you all feel you have the best husband in the world. And your right. He is the best husband for you. I snagged the best one for me and I am so glad I did. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile. He makes me feel sexy as hell. TMI?? Too bad! :)

I married my soul mate and the love of my life. Buddy Hopkins, you are my hero. I love you!

Am I a Good Mom??

For the past 10 months, I have had a job at the YMCA. This is not only the first real job I have had since we have been married, but really the first real job I have had my entire life. I have always dreamed of being a stay at home mom and for the last 13 years, I have been able to do that. Finally it just got to a point where I was going to have to find a job outside of my home. Not an easy thing for me to do...not because of the economy or the high rate of un-employment, but because of my own self doubt and complete and utter fear!

My job at the YMCA landed right into my lap. It was divine intervention..nothing less. As happy as I have been at the Y, it has not been without struggles. Struggles with other employees, struggles with some of the members but mostly, struggles within myself. You see, I am no different than any other mom or any other woman in general. I am my biggest critic. I am constantly second guessing myself and if I am doing the right thing. I have always done that, and I will probably always do that.

I have never been the best house cleaner, best cook, best story teller, best seamstress, best scrap-booker, best softball mom, best room mom, best example of manners..but I LOVE my kids. You see, you may come over and my house probably will not be perfect. There will be dust on some things, there will probably be dishes in the sink, and there is a very good chance that my kitchen floor will not just have been mopped. My kids may eat the exact same 7 meals every week, 1/2 of which involve some sort of fast food. I cannot sew on a button to save my life, let alone an entire dress or costume. I started scrap booking when Buddy and I first got married and did great for Garrison, good for Rachel, fair for Kimbo and awful for Natalie. I love to burp..and I mean burp REALLY loud. I call it my talent. Some call it rude. My kids call it AMAZING! I LOVE my kids.

Now, since I have started to work at the Y, I have been home a lot less which means my house is suffering, our family dinners are suffering, our story time is suffering, our family is not suffering, but sacrificing. Those sacrifices have been very hard on all of us. The hardest has been not being here when Garrison gets off of the bus or here for dinner or here to tuck them in. Those sacrifices start to wear on you fast. You start to wonder...am I a good mom? If I was, my house would be clean, my children would have well balanced meals every night, they would have a snack plate full of vegetables and dip, or warm cookies fresh from the oven, right when they walk in the door from school. They would have adorable clothes to wear to school that nobody would have any idea were home-made because I would have sewn them so beautifully. My hair would always look amazing and my make-up freshly done. I would clip coupons and save us so much money that I wouldn't have to work. That's what good mom's do right?

I have cried countless tears over these thoughts. I have beat myself up until I was so far down into a deep dark hole that I never thought I would make it out alive. Then things like tonight happen. I come into my bathroom after a long night at work and on my bathroom mirror I see "Rachel's Poem to Mom." "Mommy likes to burp, mommy likes to sleep, but most of all mommy likes being the best mommy to ME!" I am a good mom!! You know why??? Because my kids all 4 know that I love them. They know I am here for them. They know I pray for them. They know that I will do anything for them. They know that my favorite thing that I do is being their mom. They know they are my everything. Nothing else matters!

Don't say the "R" word!

This is my son Garrison. He is an amazing 12 year old boy who has a very infectious laugh. He LOVES animals and can tell you anything in the world you want to know about any animal or dinosaur that ever lived. He has a crazy awesome memory. He loves sea world more than I can even express. He loves to ride roller coasters and would play video games for hours and hours a day if my husband and I allowed him to. He is extremely caring, loving, fun and as any other teenager, sometimes rather lazy. Oh and just in case you missed it, he is Autistic and clinically mentally retarded.

Now before you go with "I don't know how his parents do it" or "I am so sorry...how old was he when you got the news?" Please just stop. Think of all of the things I posted above before you focus only on the disease my son has. Let me say this..being his parents is an honor. Are we happy that he has this disease, no but he does and we love him because he is amazing. I talk about him a lot everywhere ago for many reasons. 1) Garrison can be a lot of work for us so I have to spend a lot of time with him and help him with so much more than I have to help my daughters with. 2) I love my son 3) He does things that amaze me each and every day. 4) He has an amazing spirit and light about him that will make you fall in love with him the minute you meet him. 5) I flat out want to raise awareness about Autism and it's many faces.

As you are reading this I want you to just stop right now and think of something. Have you called someone (not "mentally challenged") or something (your car for not starting, the toy you stepped on) "retarded" today? Now think of this...when you did say the "r word" (that is the only way I will refer to that word from here on out because it is so vulgar to me), what were you replacing it with? If someone at work messes up at something. have you ever said "he is so (insert R word here)?" What you meant to say was "he is so stupid" right?? So basically, every single time you use that word, you are replacing the word stupid with the R word. Why??

I have a son Garrison, (in case you missed this part previously), who is Autistic and clinically mentally retarded. Would you ever come up to me and tell me he is stupid? Hopefully not. More hopefully for you because I am pretty sure you wouldn't want my wrath on you after you telling me that. Actually, my son is brilliant. No he cannot tie his shoes, or use the bathroom or shower without much, much guidance. However, he can show you a picture of an Ibex and tell you what it is, where it lives, what it eats, what it preys on, what preys on it, and how long it lives. Do you even know what an Ibex is?

So my point is this. I am on a mission to stop everyone I come in contact with from using that word. It is fowl and it offends me to the bitter core. Next time you say that word, just think, you essentially were calling my brilliant and amazing son, stupid.

LIfe as I know it.

So life has been crazy this past year...a lot, and I mean a lot has happened. Ups, and downs, goods, and bads. But I am going to make a very valiant effort to record more of my thoughts and feelings along with my days I have with my 4 precious children. I have too many amazing experiences to not be flooding my blog with posts on their wonderful lives. The joy they each bring me is unexplainable. I cannot wait to start anew on this blogging journey. I hope you will all enjoy the ride with me.