When did I start to dread Christmas?

When I was growing up, I LIVED for Christmas. Christmas in my youth, teenage years and well for many of my adult years, has always been something I just couldn't wait for. It wasn't all about the presents either. I promise. It was about all of my siblings getting together and the fun things we would do. I am the youngest of 6 kids so many of my siblings had kids and I LOVED when they were all coming home to visit. We had our traditions that we did every year. The countless hours of Rook, the 8 hour Monopoly games, how we went to the movies every Christmas day, how we adopted other families...I could go on and on. Christmas was amazing!

Since my dad died in 1999, Christmas has not been the same. We have tried, and we have had some good Christmas' but my father's wonderful holiday spirit is missing. My dad was a HUGE part of making all of those memories.

My mom and Leroy have surprised me the past 2 Christmas' by showing up at my door. That has been incredible. I LOVED having them here and so did my children. That definitely helped create some very special memories for my whole family. I am so grateful for all of the memories that I have of every Christmas up to this point. I realize many children and adults alike don't have that opportunity.

This year just feels different. I am BEYOND stressed out about it. I am pretty much dreading it. Honestly, a lot of it has to do with money. I am not going to lie but I am not about to turn this blog into a "feel sorry for me" type of thing. Things do really stink money wise, that is true, but I don't want to dwell on that here.

I am just sad. Missing my family desperately. More than ever actually. Missing the card games, the laughs, the VERY late nights, the hours of wrapping, watching my mom put all of the presents under the tree in a VERY methodical way (no same paper could be next to each other), the trips to the movies, well...everything really.

I have thought so much about this, pretty much constantly, and the money situation has been on my mind 24/7. So I am going to do something different this year. Since we cannot adopt a family, I am going to implement a "24 days until Christmas countdown service style!" Instead of helping another family with material gifts, myself, and when possible, my family, is going to provide acts of service for a person or family for the first 24 days of December. Some acts will be small, some will be larger. I will keep a log of them all and then post at the end of December what we did and how it went. Hopefully this will get me back in the Christmas mood and relieve some of the stress. After all, isn't that what Christmas is all about?